


Don't Get Involved with a Fuckboy - It's Bound to Break your Heart!

by dylanobemineforever



Category: Stiles Stilinski - Fandom, teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fuckboy!Stiles, Teen Wolf AU, dylan obrien - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-07-31 10:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dylanobemineforever/pseuds/dylanobemineforever
Summary: A girl who loves too easily and a boy who never loved before. When both of them get involved with one another on a rather complicated and tricky note, disaster is bound to happen. Whose heart will make it out unscathed? And whose heart is going to be broken ruthlessly? Or will they both find what they’ve been looking for all along? Maybe in one another?





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story is for a mature audience! There will be smut in later chapters (which I'll specify) and this deals with a really toxic relationship, so please only read it if you think you can handle it!

“Okay Y/N, don’t look now but Stiles is so checking you ou-“ before your best friend could finish her sentence you turned around to confirm what she was saying and indeed Stiles was staring at you. He wasn’t even bothered as you caught him obviously staring at you and even sent a wink your way. What a freaking dumbass. “Hey!“ Claire pulled at your sleeve forcefully, shifting your attention away from the most popular fuckboy on campus.” I said DON’T look! Why come you never do what I say?“ The blonde girl beside you whined. 

“Sorry, but why again would I care about Stiles Fuckboy Stilinski looking me up and down like some meat he buys at a grocery store?” You scoffed, not understanding the obvious excitement that was written all over her face. 

“Uh, don’t tell me you’re not a little bit curious about, you know?” She wiggled her brows in a playful manner, causing you to roll your eyes at her. 

“His dick? No, not really.” Now she was the one to roll her eyes. Seriously, sometimes you asked yourself how you two ended up being best friends. You had like nothing in common! “I don’t even want to know the amount of STD’s he has.” 

Claire slapped your shoulder playfully, a small giggle leaving her lips. “I am not gonna argue with you on that, but, I mean-“ she looked up the ceiling, pretending to look up at the sky and thinking really hard. Trying to find the right words to do her statement justice. “I mean, the sex must be sooo good! And seriously, you can’t argue that he his hot as hell! “ 

“Oh my goodness, Claire! Stop it!“ You felt people watching you, passing you by and looking at you. They didn’t know who you were talking about but from their looks they were still judging. 

“You need to stop it, Y/N! Stop being so prude for just a second and live a little! Who cares what these morons think?“ 

“That has nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with me being prude which, for the record, I am not, okay?” 

“Ohhh, someone thinks he’s hot!” Another wiggle with her eyebrows and another chuckle as she saw how red your face turned. 

“Ah, just shut up, alright?” You whined. 

“Did I hit a nerve? “ 

“No? What are you even hinting at, right now? Just because I have eyes and can acknowledge the fact that he doesn’t look bad, doesn’t mean that I would immediately jump his bone the second I got the opportunity.” 

“So, you’re saying you would not let him in your pants?” A frown edged on her features skeptically. 

“Duh, of course not! You know there’s this little thing I like to call self-respect.” Now Claire was the one to roll her eyes, but she didn’t say anything after that and just dropped the matter, what you were really grateful for. 

By the end of your lectures and assignments filled day you had already forgotten about your conversation. 

*** 

“What can I get you?” The man behind the counter asked you, obviously wanting to be somewhere else than the campus café. 

“Just a small latte to go, thanks.” 

You roamed through your bag for your purse, but before you even got the chance to get it out, someone from behind reached over you and handed the man behind the counter ten dollars. 

“I’ll pay for hers and can I get a medium sized coffee with milk to go on top, please?” The guy just shrugged, handed the boy behind you his change and turned around to complete the order. 

You slowly turned around, wanting to thank the guy for paying for your drink, but as soon as you turned around you were met with the hazel colored eyes of none other than Stiles Fuckboy Stilinski himself. 

“Why, thank you for that, but I am just gonna go now.” You took the coffee that was standing on the counter and made an exaggerated bow around Stiles, barley looking at him at this point. “Till, uhm, never I hope.” Without looking back you walked through the doors and were instantly met by the crisp afternoon air of late November. 

“Hey, Y/N wait!” Stiles came bursting through the door, coffee in hand. Slowly you turned around and faced him, a stupidly cute grin resting on his face. 

“What?” You asked with as much annoyance in your voice as you could muster. 

“I was kinda hoping you’d give me your number.” It was probably meant to be a question but he was so sure of himself that it rather sounded like a demand. 

“Okay look, normally I would just tell you in a nice and friendly way that you’re a nice guy and anyone would be happy if you’d ask them for their number, but I just ‘don’t do dating’ and whatnot, but with you Stiles... I am not sure what to say honestly, because neither is applicable to you. So, would you mind letting this whole ordeal go? I am grateful for the coffee, but this is not gonna get you in my panties. Sorry to break your bubble.” Stiles was looking at you intently and hanging on every word you just said, but against anything you thought he would do, he just started grinning like an idiot. How did he manage to get under your skin in a matter of seconds? This boy was infuriating. 

“I buy you a coffee, ask for your number and you think that’s my way of telling you that I wanna get into your pants?” He asked amused. 

“Isn’t that what you usually do? I am sorry but your reputation does not really give way for much interpretation.” 

“What’s my reputation?” He asked with a sly smile on his face. You turned around with a scoff and started walking away from the coffee shop and in the direction of your dorm, hearing Stiles following behind you. 

“Can’t you just take no for an answer?” You asked dramatically, just wanting for him to drop it and leave you alone. 

“No, I cannot, actually. You know? I like a little challenge.” A smug grin on his face. 

His comment made you stop dead in your tracks, Stiles running into you at the abrupt stop. “Okay stop right there Fuckboy Stilin-“ 

He laughed. “Did you just call me Fuckboy Stilinsk-“ 

“Shhhh.” You placed a finger over his mouth, causing him to look at you confused. A stern and angry look on your face. “Shut up and listen closely. I am not one of your bimbos that let’s you do whatever the fuck you want with and on top of that I am not your fucking challenge, understood? I am not a trophy that you have to win to put up a damn shelf and then completely forget about it again, capishe?” You released his mouth, the stupid grin no longer on his face. 

*** 

“Claire? You won’t believe what the fuck just happened!” You practically yelled as you opened up the door to your shared dorm. 

“What happened? Spill the tea.” 

Claire stood at the kitchen counter, making herself a sandwich. You slumped down in one of the bar stools on the opposite side of the small kitchen island. With your face buried in your hands you started telling her what happened with Stiles just a few minutes prior. 

“So, you didn’t give him your number?” Was the first thing she asked after everything you just told her. 

“What? No, of course not! Why are you even asking me that? You know how I feel about that stupid boy!” 

Claire took a bite off her sandwich and looked you up and down. She swallowed, took a sip of her half drunken coke and began talking again. “Okay, don’t get me wrong here. You know I love you, but I really think you should go out more.” 

You opened your mouth, wanting to make a sassy comment, but she just held a finger in the air, signaling for you to stay quiet and let her talk. With a grumpy look on your face you let her continue. 

“Getting yourself a coffee every now and then doesn’t count as going out. I mean, I am not saying you should go out with Stiles, but when was the last time you’ve been on a date? Actually, I was thinking, there is this party tonight. At first, I really didn’t feel like going either, but why not go together?” Again, you opened your mouth to tell her that she could shove that stupid ass party up hers, but before you got the chance to even say a word she continued. “I am not gonna take no for an answer, okay? Exams are mostly over, you don’t have anything due for next week, so just let loose for one night okay?” 

Annoyed you gave up and eventually ended up getting ready. You took a quick shower and when you came to your room, towel tightly clutched against your still wet body, an outfit that you knew wasn’t yours was sprawled out onto your bed. It was a tight black dress that had cut outs on the waist and a subtle cleavage, enough to draw someone’s attention to it. On top of that you found a matching pair of black heels next to it. These were definitely not your clothes. 

“Claire, I am not wearing this!” You yelled through your closed door. 

“You bet your cute ass you will! Now hurry up, woman!” 

You chuckled slightly. You really loved her dearly, but she had a habit of always getting what she wanted, what could be annoying from time to time. And God help those who’ll defy her wishes or more precisely demands. 

Thirty minutes later, you and Claire were ready to go. On top of the dress, Claire helped with your make-up and hair and honestly you had to admit that you looked really good. 

“You’re gonna turn heads right and left!” She squealed, clapping her hands together in excitement. 

“Ah, shut up, would you?” 

“Never.” She beamed at you. “Let’s get this party rolling.” 

*** 

Actually, you didn’t know what you expected in the first place. Maybe to have fun with your best friend? Sing obnoxiously loud to songs you didn’t actually like and dance like no one was watching? Yeah, well, in the end it ended with neither of those things. At first it was fun, but as the night progressed Claire started dancing and making out with a guy that you were pretty sure she didn’t know the name off and therefore she left you alone, standing at the makeshift bar in the frat house, that by the way, she didn’t even tell you the party was at. You downed the last remains of your drink. 

“Guess I just go home again then. That was sooo much fun, Claire. Let’s please never do that again.” You mumbled under your breath, ready to just walk out as someone tapped your shoulder. 

“Hey what is someone as beautiful as you doing over here all by herself?” A cocky and raspy voice asked that sounded just all too familiar for your liking. You gotta be kidding me. Thanks universe for throwing your shit at me left and right! Thanks, a fucking lot. 

You turned around a fake smile resting on your face and like you guessed you were met by a smug looking Stiles Stilinski. As soon as you turned around though, the smug expression that seconds before was resting on his face crumbled into a disbelieving frown and wide eyes. 

“Y/N? Wow – I – uhm – sorry I, I didn’t notice it was you…” Stiles scratched the back of his neck. He was wearing a maroon colored shirt, paired with loose fitting black jeans. His hair was spiked up in various directions and his honey colored eyes sparked in the blinking lights. He was extremely handsome, you had to give him that. “You look really beautiful, if I may say so?” 

“You may, but it still won’t get me to sleep with you if you think that.” You spat, wanting to brush past him, but he held you back by your arm. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” He looked genuinely saddened by the fact that you could in fact hate him and it caught you off guard. 

“Stiles, I don’t hate you. I just hate what you do and now if you’ll excuse me I was just about to go.” 

“You want me to bring you to your dorm? It’s pretty dark outside and I know that your dorm is just on the other side of campus.” 

“No, I think I’ll be just fine without your help, thanks.” 

“Okay, cool. I am coming with then.” And there was that damn grin again. 

Honestly, you were too drunk and tired to fight him on this. It wasn’t worth the effort, so you just scoffed, trying to show your annoyance, but you didn’t say anything. Stiles led you through the mass of people, loosing you a few times in the crowd and therefore decided to take your hand in his. A blush rose to your cheeks and your heart accelerated at the simple gesture and you damned it for it. _ Don’t you dare let him get to you! You’re better than this, dammit! _

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw various girl groups looking at the two of you suspiciously. They practically eye fucked Stiles and as soon as they spotted your intertwined fingers they looked at you in disgust. One of them even looked as though she would jump at you any second and rip your throat out. It was no secret that Stiles was the most popular Fuckboy on campus and virtually every girl was swooning over him. Why they had so little respect for themselves you didn’t understand, because it was known that Stiles just wanted one night of fun and then would immediately drop you right after. Not even acknowledging ones presence afterwards or so you’ve heard, but still, girls were throwing themselves at him left and right and he was breaking their hearts in a matter of seconds. Every girl hoping to be the one to finally change him and being the reason for him to settle, but it never happened. You had avoided him successfully until now, not wanting to get into something that was bound to break your heart in the process. Well, you avoided him successfully until NOW, being the key word. Stiles was still dragging you through the mass of people swaying to the music. Stiles and you even had a few lectures together, but never once did he seem interested in you and it felt odd and suspicious to you that after two years he finally took notice and interest in you. A nagging voice at the back of your mind told you to be careful. You were just another girl that he tried to get into his bed and you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fall for his nice act. You would definitely not fall for the Fuckboy. Never. At least you hoped you wouldn’t… 


	2. The Benefit of the Doubt & The Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter contains smut (at the very end)!

“Are you cold?” Stiles asked after a whole five minutes of awkward silence. It surprised you that now that the two of you were all alone he hadn’t made another move on you and instead had decided to not talk at all until this point. 

You shrugged, teeth clattering lightly. It was beyond you why you originally had decided to just wear that tiny dress with just a light jacket. Now you were definitely regretting that decision. 

“You’re freezing.  “ He stated while he looked you up and down. Without another word he slipped out of his jacket, leaving him in just his maroon shirt, but he seemed unfazed by the cold. He held the jacket out for you to take , but you didn’t make an attempt of taking it. 

“Thanks but I am good. It’s only five more minutes, I’ll survive.” 

“Oh Y/N c’mon! Just take the damn jacket!” 

You wanted to spat ‘make me’ but he would probably take that the wrong way, twisting that simple statement into a sick mind game and an invitation to invade your personal space. 

As you didn’t say anything, but also didn’t make an attempt to take the jacket from him, he finally had enough and just put it on your shoulders. Instantly you were met by a faint scent of his body wash with a hint of vanilla and cigarette  smoke. To your surprise you found it kind of comforting. The warmth his jacket provided instantly warmed you up again and within no time your teeth weren’t clattering anymore. 

“Thanks.” You mumbled nearly inaudible under your breath, but Stiles nevertheless heard you and just gave you an approving and simple nod. Not even a sarcastic remark. After another minute of silence you asked him something that was nagging you since the both of you got away from that awful party. “Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, we both know each other for like two years now, have some lectures together and see each other around campus and not once in those two years have you ever said a single word to me. Now, within one short day you show so much interest and being nice. I just, I don’t know… I don’t get it.” 

Stiles looked down at the ground, searching for an answer. The Stiles Stilinski who normally never lacked of any words to say. Alone with you he seemed like a completely different person to the Stiles you saw around campus with his other fuckboy friends and bimbos. 

“Honestly?” He asked and stopped walking, looking at you with an expression that you couldn’t quite read. 

“No. Lie to me.” You said sarcastically. The tension subsided for a short moment as Stiles actually laughed a little at your lame attempt of a witty comeback. You couldn’t help but grin.

“I don’t know. You just caught my eye, I guess. I don’t even know why I didn’t notice you sooner.”  _ You were too caught up fucking every girl on campus to notice me. _ “But I am an idiot for it.”  _ Can’t argue with that.  _ “You’re so smart. For example , one time in a lecture we had together, we  did a  digression and talked about cognitive brain functions and you just knew everything. That was really impressive.” 

“Stiles that was like two weeks ago.” You looked at him confused. Did he actually notice you? And against everything he could have said, he picked that? Not a cheesy pick up line, but this? He had actually paid attention to you? You didn’t believe it. That sounded so out of character for him, but then on the other hand you didn’t even know him that well. Just from things that people said about him. Maybe he deserved the benefit of the doubt? 

He scratched his neck, something that he did when he was nervous, you guessed. “I know… I don’t know , I guess I was so stunned by your ability to answer every one of the professor ’ s questions, even though that wasn’t even our topic to begin with, and when I took a closer look at  you , I was taken aback by how beautiful you are.” Your cheeks were burning and you hoped that in the darkness he couldn’t see how flustered he made you. 

“I don’t know what to say.” You admitted.

“Wow, I made the most sarcastic person that I know speechless? I’ll write that down in my CV when I get back to my dorm.” He laughed and you followed in . 

“Wait? You think I am the most sarcastic person? Have you  met, I don’t know… yourself? I guess your higher up that list, so ... nice try.” He laughed a little louder and you again followed. His laugh was contagious and you didn’t know if you loved or hated it. 

All too soon the both of you entered the house your dorm was in and in a matter of a few more minutes stood in front of your door. You shrugged out of Stiles’ jacket and rummaged in your purse for your keys. You slid the right one in the lock but before you actually opened it, you turned around again. Stiles was patiently waiting, holding a respectful amount of space between the two of you. The jacket was now draped on one of his arms and his free hand was shoved in to his jean pocket. 

“Stiles?” 

“Mhmm?” he hummed, looking up from his shoes.

“I know I wasn’t the nicest person in the short time that we got to know each other, but you kinda saved my night today… so I guess what I am trying to say is: do you want to come in for a bit?” 

“Do you want me to or is that a trick question?” He laughed awkwardly, once again scratching his neck. 

“Not a trick question. Promise.” You paused, narrowing your eyes playfully. “But I can’t guarantee that I won’t quick your lame ass out soon.” 

He placed a hand over his chest, faking hurt and shock. “Did you just call my cute ass lame? I don’t believe you!” 

“Well, better believe it before your lame ass isn’t even gonna pass the damn threshold.” 

He put his hands up in fake surrender and chuckled lowly. “Okay, jeez. No reason to be dramatic, woman.” 

“Oh, just shut up and close the damn door behind you.” 

***

Stiles and you talked till late at night. Against any prejudices you had, he was actually quite fun to be around. Always goofing around, making you laugh even though you forced yourself to be immune to his charm. It didn’t work. The two of you had talked about everything and nothing and you found yourself enjoying his company. Eventually the both of you decided to just watch some random movie that neither one of you actually payed attention to, only to then fall asleep in each other ’ s  arms . 

The sun that shone through the blinds into the living room woke you up. You blinked a few times, trying to get acc usto med to the light blinding you. Giving up after a few seconds you started turning around and nestled further into what you thought to be the backrest of the couch you were laying on. You were just starting to fall asleep again as the mistakenly assumed backrest moved and draped an arm over you. Your eyes shot open, luckily the sun was on your back now, and  you  saw a fast asleep Stiles Stilinski  laying next to you, a peaceful expression resting on his features. Having already forgotten that the two of you had fallen asleep together, you tried scooping away from him. 

Unfortunately, the couch was less spacious than you thought and eventually you ended up falling over the edge and hitting the floor pretty darn hard. 

A low groan erupted from your throat which only amplified as you looked down your body to see that you were still wearing the dress from the night before. It had slightly ridden up, giving less room for interpretation than you would have liked. 

“You okay?” You heard Stiles mumble, still half asleep. He didn’t even care to open his eyes. 

“Fine.” You grumbled, standing up and tucking the dress back over your ass. “I am gonna take a shower. Feel free to make yourself coffee or whatever.” 

Now Stiles was the one to open his eyes in shock and he jolted up so  a brup tly that a scream was caught in your throat. 

“Jeez…” You clutched at your heart, forcing it to calm down. “What the fuck was that?” 

Stiles looked around him frantically and as his eyes met  yours , he seemed to relax and slumped back down on his back. “Nothing, sorry. I guess I was just surprised to hear your voice, is all…” 

And there he was again. The Fuckboy. Stiles ’ first initial reaction probably was that he laid in his bed and that the one night stand he just had was trying to sneak out and landed not so gracefully on her ass in the process.  Therefore , he hadn’t been concerned when that had happened, because he probably dealt with that on a daily basis. It became second nature already. But hearing you talk, indirectly saying that he could stay over for breakfast was something he wasn’t familiar with, therefore the sudden change in demeanor. Just when you started liking him and actually trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

You tabbed through your room, gathering everything you needed and then when you got everything , you gently knocked on Claire’s door. No answer. You peeked in but she wasn’t there. Bed still neatly made and not used. She probably went home with that guy she made out with at the frat house.  Actually , for the first time you were glad she spent the night with someone else, meaning she hadn’t walked in on you and Stiles cuddling on the couch. You knew that you wouldn’t hear the end of that one. 

After a quick shower and a change of clothes you walked back to the living room, only to see that Stiles wasn’t there anymore. Surprisingly you felt yourself feeling disappointed. He probably left and would do anything to forget the evening with you. 

A sigh left your lips as you went to get yourself a coffee and making some breakfast. From afar you could already hear plates clattering together and you wondered if that was Claire.

“Hey, I made yourself a coffee and am just in the making of making us some English muffins. Hope that’s alright?” Stiles asked nervously. His hair stood up in various directions and his clothes were knitted from sleeping in them. How was it still possible for him to look this handsome? 

“That’s just about perfect. Thank you.” You sat down in front of the coffee mug Stiles put on the counter for you, taking a few sips and setting it back on the sleek surface. The silence that erupted while you patiently waited for the muffins to get ready wasn’t in any way uncomfortable, but you still felt yourself yearning to hear his voice again. 

“I really enjoyed last night.”  _ Said he to every wom _ _ a _ _ n ever. _ “I don’t remember the last time I had that much fun.” Stiles said while placing the muffins on two plates. He walked over and placed one in front of you and the other in front of him as he sat down beside you. 

“Yeah, me too.” That wasn’t even a lie. You actually didn’t remember the last time you laughed as much as you did last night with Stiles. 

Another wave of silence erupted as the both of you silently enjoyed the simple breakfast. After the two of you had eaten up and put everything back where it belonged you said your goodbyes and with that Stiles was gone and Claire still wasn’t home. You started to worry and texted her multiple times until she finally decided to reply, telling you that she was great and probably wouldn’t come home for another few hours. 

***

People were whispering. Looking you up and down with disapproving looks on their faces. At first you thought that you were just imagining things, but you were soon to find out that unfortunately you were not. 

“Have you heard of that Y/N thing?” One girl asked another in the tiny bathroom. Your ears peaked up at the mention of your name, even though they could talk about anyone. 

“No…? Who?” The other girl ’ s seemingly confused voice echoed through the tiny stalls. 

“Well, I don’t know her last name, but it’s that girl with the y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes and… you definitely know her, I am sure. She’s that like, super nerd. Rarely goes out, probably still a virgin…” 

“Oh, yeah, I guess I know who you’re talking about.” 

_ Were they actually talking about me? Wow, that one sure hurt. _

“Well, rumor has it that she and Stiles –  _ the Stiles-  _ hooked up last night! They were seen leaving the party together and apparently , he didn’t come home until after morning. He could literally have anyone, why in God’s name would he choose her?” You could hear the girls voice lacing with disgust and you had to keep the tears from streaming down your face. How could girls be so mean to other girls? Were they seriously slut shaming you for something that you haven’t even done? And why was it okay for Stiles to be doing shit like that and not getting slut shamed by the majority of people when obviously he was a walking man whore on campus? You couldn’t believe your ears. You wanted to storm out of the stall you were still hiding in and give them a piece of your mind, but currently you weren’t trusting your voice. That sure hit you harder than you wanted to admit. You blended the rest of their conversation out, not wanting to know what else they said about you. Your insecurities were fed enough for one day. 

After you heard both of them leave, you got out of the stall, washed your hands and your face to get rid of any traces that you had been crying and left the bathroom quietly. Everything you wanted to do right now was go to bed and never leave it. But you still had two lectures to attend to…the last being with Stiles. That would be the first time either of you would see the other after your weekend together and you honestly weren’t prepared. 

You sat down in an empty row in the relative back of the room which was unusual for you, but you found that you rather see everyone in front of you than having them talk and point at you behind your back. Stiles was already there when you came through the door, but neither one of you made an attempt to greet the other. You wondered if he would just go back to ignoring you like he had before. You didn’t know what it was, but you felt genuinely sad at the thought. You barely knew each other but you started to really like him and you hated yourself for it , because now you actually understood what all the other girls saw in him. And that was just the problem, wasn’t it? Now you were just like every one of them. How could you ever think that Stiles wanted more from you than what he wanted from all these girls? You weren’t special and maybe now, after the short amount of time that the two of you got to know one another, he realized that too. 

The lecture went by with you just staring straight ahead, but not really seeing or hearing anything, too caught up in your own head. Within no time the lecture was over and you started packing your things, stuffing everything in your old bag. 

“Hey, you.” Stiles ’ voice echoed from above. You looked up at him standing in front of you sheepishly. Hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet. He looked like a boy in 4 th grade, ready to confess his feelings for their crush. He looked so innocent, when in reality, he was anything but. 

“Hey.” 

“You have a minute?” He asked and you just nodded, noticing some students talking on the other side of the room. Eying the both of you suspiciously. 

“Yup. Shoot.” 

“Do you maybe, I don’t know, want to do something when you’re finished with classes?” He was nervous, you noticed that as he started scratching the back of his neck. A habit that you had quickly picked up on. 

It was an understatement to say that you were stunned at his request. Was he asking you out on a date? What were his intentions? From what you knew he rarely ever took someone out, because everyone already knew that he wasn’t looking for someone to date. 

“Uh, I- I- uhm…” You were at a loss of words. Stiles and you now the only people left in the room. “Is that your way of asking me on a date?” 

“Sorry, I am really not good with things like this. But yes… if you’ll have me, that is.” 

Actually , you didn’t know. Two years you’ve avoided him like the plague and now within one weekend you were agreeing to go on a date? 

“I’d like that very much.” Your answer definit el y wouldn’t have been yes if you hadn’t spent time with him already and wouldn’t have found out that there was so much more to him than what meets the eye. Maybe it was that you actually wanted to get to know him better or it was your petty reaction to what the girls in the bathroom had said earlier. You weren’t worried about people talking about you. Of course , it hurt, but people always talked and you knew that you wouldn’t be the number one gossip for much longer, but it nevertheless stung. So maybe it was a bit of both. 

“Great! Wow, I actually didn’t think I’d come that far! Uhhmmm… okay, gonna pick you up around six?” 

“Sounds good to me, Stilinski.” 

***

“What’s going on? Why are you running around your room half naked like a lunatic?” Claire asked amused, watching you with a bowl filled with popcorn like you were a freaking movie. 

“Shut up, okay. I am going out…” 

Her eyes practically fell out of their sockets and you didn’t know if you should take that as an insult. 

“Excuse you, but why didn’t I know that? With whom? Where? When? How? Come on, don’t leave me hanging like that!” 

“With Stiles. Now go back to your movie and don’t say anything you know you’ll regret!” You warned her. Well aware that this was crazy. A few days ago , it seemed like Stiles was your arch nemesis and now you were going on a date? Now that you thought about it, that actually sounded really stupid. What were you thinking? 

Claire put her free hand up in a defiant position. “I am not gonna say anything. I am just surprised, I mean… wow. He’s like literally the last person I thought you would go out with.” 

“Yeah, tell me about it… I don’t know, I guess I was just being petty, because these girls , they said things that really hurt and maybe I just wanted to prove a point here…” You shrugged. 

“What girls? Did they say something mean to you?” Claire’s shock and surprise was now exchanged by anger. “Who were they? I am gonna rip their fucking heads off!” 

A soft chuckle escaped your mouth, as you pulled a soft and slightly oversized wool pullover over your head. “Calm down… I didn’t see them, so I don’t know who it was… I am just gonna go out with the infamous Fuckboy and not dwell on it for too long. I am fine. Promise.” 

She nodded and went back to the couch, resuming some movie she was watching. You fixed your hair and pulled them up in a loose messy bun and applied a little bit of make - up. You gr abb ed your coat and purse just as someone knocked on your door. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Claire hollered as you went for the door. 

“Hey.” Stiles said as soon as you opened the door, a timid smile on his face. 

“Hey.” 

“Ready to go? I hope you’re hungry.” He clapped his hands together excitedly and you couldn’t help but smile at his genuine act. 

***

“Fucking banana? Oh Stilinski, I am disappointed and thoroughly disgusted.” You laughed as Stiles feigned a hurt expression. 

“Hey! Don’t insult my banana milkshake, you’re  gonna hurt its feelings!” He fake - whined. 

Stiles had brought you to what he said was ‘one of his favorite places’. The small diner was cute and definitely had its charm.

“We’re in a place that specializes on milkshakes and out of all options you choose banana? That is just … disgraceful.” You fake scolded him. A smile still on both your faces. 

“It’s my favorite okay?! And besides , I could say the same thing  about you! Freaking vanilla is so lame!” 

“Take that back! Vanilla is great anywhere you go, so you don’t have to worry about picking the wrong one, because it just always tastes delicious.” 

“Whatever makes your lame ass sleep at night.” He said dismissively and you both started laughing right after. 

You and Stiles talked a little more about random things as the waitress came and handed the both of you your burgers, curly fires and milkshakes. 

“Anything else I can get you?” She asked while playing with a loose strand of her hair. She didn’t even glance your way, solely talking to Stiles. 

“Y/N? Want anything else?” Stiles asked and the waitress begrudgingly turned around to face you. 

You just shook your head no, with a polite smile on your face. “Okay, then we’re good. Thank you , sweetheart.” Stiles winked and the girl, who se name apparently was Tracy, at least that’s what her name tag said, giggled, reached across the table to grab a napkin and wrote what appeared to be her number on it. She handed it to Stiles and turned around. Stiles followed her and you were pretty sure that he was staring at her ass as her hips swayed. Wow, there goes my appetite. He hadn’t even said anything to her and without any protest took the napkin from her. It was one thing that Tracy had no manners and just flirted with someone who was clearly out on a date, but Stiles actually following along was something entirely different. Guess some traits you just can’t shake off. 

“Wow, that was subtle.” You huffed sarcastically, as you took a sip from your milkshake. Stiles just stared back at you, obviously embarrassed, but he didn’t say anything. Not even an apology. “What is this to you?” You asked, eyes narrowed, as you put your drink down. 

“What do you mean?” Stiles asked as he shoved a few fries in his mouth. 

“I mean, why am I here? Why invite me? I still don’t get it, and honestly I don’t even know at this point why I even said yes…” You looked down at the table, playing with your hands. You didn’t want to look up, afraid that he might laugh at you. The girls in  the  bathroom knew it and if you were being honest with yourself , you knew it too. He could have anyone, so why were you sitting across from him right now? 

“I like you… is that so hard to believe?” 

The sincerity in his voice startled you and you dared to look at him. A soft and affectionate smile was resting on his face and all the negative emotions you were feeling just seconds ago were now gone. 

“I don’t know… kinda.” 

“Well better believe it, because it’s the truth!” 

You wanted to believe him. You so wanted to and you could actually feel how your heart was falling for him. But your mind still wasn’t convinced. Something didn’t add up, leaving your heart and mind conflicted. And you right in the middle of it. The only question was: who would win that losing game? 

***

It was around eight when the both of you got out of the diner. The air cold outside so you tucked your coat closer to your body. You were grateful that you decided to wear the wool pullover. 

“So are you already tired or up for something else?” Besides that short incident with the waitress the evening turned out to be pretty good. After the whole ‘I like you thing’ an awkward silence emitted between the two of you, but Stiles broke it as he started asking you what you were going to do during Christmas break and if you were going home or not. You had admitted that you didn’t know yet, because your family lived literally on the other side of the country and neither you nor your family could afford it for you to fly over. You weren’t sad though, you knew what you were signing up for when you chose to start living here. Of course, you missed them but you held close contact with all your family members so you tried to tell yourself that it was okay. Stiles looked surprised and kind of sad at the revelation, so you had to repeat over and over that it was okay. After that you exchanged funny stories of your childhood that lightened the mood up again. 

“I don’t know Stilinski. What do you have in mind?” 

“What if I tell you that it’s a surprise?” 

“Normally I am not a huge fan of surprises, but I am in a good mood today, so I am just gonna trust you that I am not gonna end up dead in an alley or something.” 

“Damn!” He feigned anger. “You can’t just go around and expose my agenda Y/N! Not cool!” 

You held your hand s up in surrender, light giggles escaping your mouth. He rolled his eyes at you and stretched out his hand for you to take. There was a short moment of hesitation. Apparently too long though, because Stiles awkwardly cleared his throat and shoved both his hands in his pockets, obviously not used to being rejected or second guessed by any girl, ever. 

The car ride was silent except from the radio softly playing in the background. Occasionally you hummed along, but Stiles nor you talked until he pulled into a parking lot, a bright neon si gn  hanging above the building where the parking lot belonged to. 

“The Ice rink?” You asked, turning away from the sign to face him. 

“Something wrong with that?” He asked you, smile on his lips. 

“Nooo...” You dragged the word. “I am just really not good.” You paused, a serious expression on your face. “Like. At. All.” 

Stiles ’ laughter filled the baby blue jeep and again you found yourself laughing along with him. There was no way in hell that anyone was immune to his contagious laughter. “It’s okay. I am gonna make sure no one’s  gonna get hurt.” 

“Yeah, everyone except for me!” You whined as Stiles got out of the car, rushing to your side to open the door for you. He was really putting a lot of effort into this whole thing, you had to give him that. 

It was around 8:30pm when you walked through the doors of the building. Given that it was a Monday it was relatively empty. There were lights and Christmas decorations everywhere even though it was still only November. Your mouth fell open in awe, music softly playing from the overhead speakers. It looked like something straight out of a fairytale. 

Stiles and you got your skates in the right sizes and pulled them on on the bleachers that overlooked the ice rink. With uneasy steps you made your way toward the opening. 

“Ready?” Stiles asked with raised eyebrows and you just nodded. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

Stiles gave you an encouraging thumbs up as he got on the ice before you, turning around so he was facing you. You took another uneasy step forward, connecting with the ice. With shaky knees you stood on the ice and it must have looked rather funny because Stiles was trying really hard not to laugh. 

“You need help?” Stiles asked, a bemused grin invading his lips. 

“Stop enjoying this so much asshat! I told you I couldn’t do this for shit!” You glared at him. 

“Okay, okay! Just take my hand. It’s really not that hard.” Stiles stretched his right hand out for you to take and you gladly took it. “Okay, so now just follow my movements and you’ll be good.” You did as he told and awkwardly slid with him across the ice. Only like five other people were on the ice with you, but neither one of them gave you any mind. “See! There you go! Not that bad, huh?” As luck had it, just as Stiles said that you lost your balance and desperately clung onto him in order not to fall. He was so caught off guard though that you just pulled him down with you, him landing on top of you. “Oh my god, Y/N! Are you okay?” 

“Can’t. Breathe.” You managed to get out. “Squishing. Me.” 

“Shit. Sorry…” Stiles got to his feet quickly, holding his hand out for you to reach and pulled you back to your own feet. 

“Wow that was graceful.” You said. Words laced in your usual use of sarcasm. 

“It wasn’t that bad.” Stiles said, but in an instant lost all sense of seriousness as he ben t over and his laughter filled the air. “I am sorry, but you’re just…” 

Your laughter mixed with his, not caring that the few people who were still there were watching the two of you. “I am just a damn clutz. I know.” 

As both your laughter died down, Stiles stood up straight again and brushed a loose strand of hair back behind your ear. His finger lingered on your cheek for a moment, setting you r whole body aflame and making your mouth go dry. “I think you’re cute.” 

At first you weren’t sure if he was messing with you and if that was meant to be a joke but as he didn’t laugh and his face radiated a seriousness off of it that you  weren’t used to you knew that he meant what he said. And you didn’t know how to feel about it. 

A blush rose to your cheeks as you tried to come up with something to say. You looked down to your feet sheepishly as Stiles hooked a finger under your chin and titled your head back up so you could look into his chocolate colored eyes. What you didn’t expect though was him bending down slightly. Gaze shifting from your eyes to your lips and back, asking for silent permission to continue what you knew he wanted to do. You gave your answer as your eyes fluttered shut. His face already so close that your lashes tickled his skin. And then it happened. Stiles pressed his lips against yours in a sweet kiss. It was slow and soft. You loved the feeling of his lips against yours and you found yourself deepening the kiss as you hooked your arms around his neck, playing with his hair. He let out a soft moan that your mouth instantly swallowed. His doing the same thing with the sounds that escaped your lips. All too soon he broke the kiss and your lips were still tingling from the sensation. Your arms were still hooked around his neck, therefore you just pulled him back down. The kiss was more desperate than the one before. One of Stiles ’ hands reached up to cup your cheek whereas his other settled on your lower back, holding you steady on the slippery ice but also flush against him. His lips were enveloping yours completely. As another moan escaped your mouth, Stiles used that to slip his tongue into your mouth, exploring every inch of it. His tongue rubbed against yours in a way that made your knees go weak. Stiles apparently realized that too, because you could feel him grinning slightly. Eventually the both of you had to stop to fill your burning lungs with oxygen again. 

“That was … wow.” Stiles sighed, still grinning. 

***

“I really enjoyed the evening with you, Y/N and to be honest I am not ready to end it quite yet.” 

“Then don’t.” You said between the kisses that the both of you shared in Stiles’ jeep on the college parking lot. “I am not tired yet.” Another breathy moan escaped his throat and it only fueled your excitement. To be frank, you didn’t even know how you ended up like this. After the both of you shared that kiss on the ice rink you saw him in another light. He seemed so genuine and kind up until this pint that you questioned your judgment over him. Maybe he really wasn’t all that bad and what people told were really just rumors. Even though all that did definitely not justify that you were about to have sex with him on your first date. Something that you swore you would never do. But here you were. Maybe you were also doing this to prove a point. You didn’t want these girls from the bathroom to have so much power over you. For god’s sake, you didn’t even know their names. Still, for some reason their mean words were still circulating through your mind. And it wasn’t just them. Even Claire always told you, you were too prude and that you needed to go out more. Maybe you just told yourself that you were following her advice to not feel guilty for completely throwing your morals over board. Or maybe you were just really turned on by the super attractive male with whom you at this moment shared kisses that were beyond mind blowing. 

“ Wanna take this to my place?” Stiles asked as the both of you paused to breathe. All you could do was  nod, afraid your voice might betray you. 

***

Stiles had told you that his roommates weren’t there as he led you through their shared apartment. 

“You want something to drink?” He asked as he threw his jacket carelessly on the couch. 

“No, I am good.” 

Stiles turned around and reached for your hand and tucked you close to him again, enveloping your lips once more. “Good, then I have more time to do this…” He bent his head down, his lips leaving yours and instead connected with a sensitive point just below your ear. “And this…” His lips travelled lower, hands sneaking up your pullover, settling on your waist. He detached his lips from your neck to look into your eyes, searching for any sign of doubt. There was none. Therefore, he willed his hands further up your sides until they brushed the sides of your breasts, never breaking eye contact. 

Stiles was surprised to feel that you weren’t wearing a bra and unconsciously pressed his body closer to yours. The bulge in his pant s rubbing against your lower abdomen. Still looking into one another’s eyes, Stiles tucked your pullover up and you raised your arms so he could pull it over your head. The cold air instantly hardened your nipples and Stiles looked you up and down. Taking in every detail of your body. Suddenly you felt vulnerable and your insecurities fought their way back to the surface, causing you to cross your arms over your exposed breasts. 

“Y/N, you’re beautiful. You don’t have to hide yourself from me.” Stiles settled his hands on either of your wrists, but not in a forceful way. You looked up into his eyes. They looked warm and lovingly down at you and in an instant, all the insecurities faded away. You unwound your wrists from his loose grip and took his instead, letting his hands settle on either of your breasts. He began massaging them gently, eventually bending down a bit as he left hickeys down your neck, the valley of your breasts and finally took one of your nipples in his mouth, making you  writhe beneath his touch. After a while you couldn’t take it anymore, pulling his head up to meet your gaze. 

“Stiles.” You breathed out. You pressed yourself even closer to his body, if that was even possible. “I think we should take that somewhere else.” Stiles nodded eagerly, took your hand and pulled you in the direction of his bedroom. You didn’t really have time to look around and examine his room, because as soon as the door closed behind you, Stiles pulled his own shirt over his head and pinned you against his door. His large hands settled on your wrists once again, placing them above your head as he once again enveloped your lips in a desperate kiss. His now bare chest rubbed against your exposed breasts in the most delicious way imaginable and you could feel your pussy throbbing with need. You needed more, so you wiggled out of Stiles hold, pressing a palm flat against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat against your fingertips. You pushed him towards his bed and as the backsides of his knees hit  it , he slumped down on it, but not before grabbing your hand and pulling you down on top of him. Expertly he flipped you on your back with him now being on top. You could feel that Stiles also craved more, his hips grinding against your crotch in a desperate way to create some sort of friction. Hectically you began to fumble with his belt, but it was no easy task to get it open while Stiles mercilessly assaulted your lips, neck and breasts with open mouthed kisses. Eventually he got the hint and sat up, getting rid of his pants and socks at the same time as you got rid of yours. Neither of you cared where the discarded clothes landed as your lips connected once more. 

One of Stiles’ hands hooked beneath the waistband of your panties. Two fingers brushed over your clit and made their way further down to your entrance, feeling how wet you already were. 

“Stiles,” you whined. “Stop teasing!”

A low chuckle escaped his lips. “Impatient, aren’t we?” 

“No shit, Sherlock! Now, do something!” 

As an answer Stiles slipped one finger inside of you, pumping it in and out of you agonizingly slow. His left arm was slung around your waist in order to hold you in place. “More.” Stiles did as he was told and slipped a second finger inside your core, increasing his pace, leaving you a withering mess. Within no time you could feel your orgasm closing in. You clenched around Stiles’ fingers, drawing a groan out from him, only fueling you on more. And then it was gone. You sat upright, glaring at Stiles who had the biggest shit eating grin resting on his face that the world had ever seen. “What the fuck Stiles!” You reached behind you, getting hold of one of the many pillows that were on his bed to throw it in his face. He anticipated you doing that and was able to catch the pillow before it actually hit him in the face. “I was so close, asshat! What was that for?” 

His grin never once fell from his face as he leaned down again, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “Because I want it to be my cock that makes you cum.” 

“Then what are you waiting for?” 

Stiles himself couldn’t take it any longer and quickly slid your panties down your legs and then got rid of his boxer briefs. His fully erect cock slapping against his stomach proudly. Stiles lined himself up with your entrance, your arousal making it easy for him to slip inside of you. He stilled his movements as he was buried to the hilt and only began slowly thrusting in and out of you as he felt your hips buck  up involuntarily. His thrusts started out slow, but soon he picked up his speed. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room, only overpowered by your moans and Stiles’ low grunts against the crook of your neck. Stiles was now thrusting in and out of you at a godlike pace, his cock twitching uncontrollably inside you, indicating that he too was nearing his end. 

“M close.” Stiles breathed out. 

“Me too.” You said just as breathlessly. 

Stiles sneaked one hand down where both your bodies connected and began rubbing your clit, sending sparks of electricity through your bloodstream. You started clenching around him. A few more thrusts of his and your orgasm was crashing down on you, soon followed by Stiles releasing inside of you. Soon his movements stilled and as the both of you became too sensitive , he slipped out of you. Without saying anything he got up and grabbed a towel from the bathroom next door. Fatigue got the better of you as Stiles had successfully cleaned you up. You nestled against his pillows and Stiles ’ side. Eyes falling close, Stiles following your lead and soon you both drifted into a dreamless sleep, being hold and warmed by the others still naked body. You felt safe, breathing in his now familiar scent. 

***

“Dude! Oh my God! You actually did it, bro!” You jerked awake and so did Stiles. Still half asleep and your eyes not accustomed to the bright light that was now flooding Stiles’ room you shielded your eyes with your right arm, now being able to make out two male figures at the door, gawking at you with wide eyes. Stiles looked back and forth between these two before his eyes finally settled on you,  widening in shock. Without a warning he lunged down on you, shielding you form the other guys field of vision. 

“What the hell?” You breathed out as it dawned on you why he just did that. You were still naked and you only felt the sheets dangerously low, meaning you just laid there completely exposed to whoever was at the door. 

“Isaac! Scott! Get the fuck outta here! NOW!” Stiles threw a pillow at the two males, still laying on top of you. Your face was red like a tomato and everything you wanted to do in that moment was die of utter embarrassment and humiliation. 

“You won the bet bro.”  _ Bet?  _

“Can that wait?” Stiles visibly tensed up above you. 

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer!” The other one of the two said. “We haven’t even talked about a price yet.”  _ Okay they were definitely still drunk. _

“You fucked a virgin! We need to celebrate!” 

A lump was forming in your throat and you had trouble breathing. All blood suddenly rushed from your head, making you feel dizzy, even though you were laying down. You felt dirty and were disgusted and Stiles’ naked body on top of you wasn’t helping one bit. Your mouth went dry and tears were welling up in your eyes. It was all just a lie. The nice and genuine act. The fact that he said he liked you. None of it was real. He just did that to win a stupid bet. 

“I am serious! Get the fuck out! NOW!” Stiles shouted and the other guys actually obeyed. Before he could roll off of you by himself you pushed him off of you and down the bed. “What the fuck?” He asked you confused as he got up to his feet again, shrugging the covers off that  were tangled with his limps as he fell. 

“What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, Stiles? Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” You screamed, no longer being able to stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks. “I trusted you! I actually trusted you! How could I have been so stupid? You know what the worst part is? I actually started liking you, Stiles! But to you I have always been just some girl that you actually never cared about, am I right?” 

Stiles looked down to the floor in shame. How desperately he wanted to walk over to you, enveloping you in a tight embrace. Telling you that he cared. Deeply. That he was scared how much he actually cared about you, even though he just knew you for such a short amount of time. He wanted to tell you that he was afraid of the things that he was starting to feel again after such a long time. Things that he had forbidden himself to feel, but could no longer close his eyes from. Or in his case: his heart. But he couldn’t, too afraid to actually stand up to his feelings. Yesterday wasn’t about a bet to him. To be honest, he had forgotten about it as soon as he saw you that evening as he picked you up. So much what he wanted to say was rushing through his head, but nothing came out of his mouth. 

“You know what? Fuck you, Stiles!” That woke him out of his trance and he took a hesitant step forward. “Stay back! STAY BACK! Don’t fucking touch me!” You shouted at the top of your lungs, covering your body with your arms as best as you could as you walked around the room, searching for your clothes. You were beyond disgusted and fought with every will in your body not to throw up right this second. With amazing speed, you put your clothes back on, having no other  choice but to pull Stiles’ shirt over your head, because your pullover was still lying somewhere in his living room. Without looking back, you rushed to the door and stormed out of his room, running for the front door with tears blurring your vision. You just wanted to get as much distance between you and Stiles as fast as possible. 

***

A week has passed in which you haven’t done anything but lay in your bed crying. You have barley eaten and you haven’t gone to any of your classes and lectures, too afraid to see Stiles somewhere. Everything you wanted to for the rest of your life was being curled up in your bed and bawl your eyes out. 

“Y/N I am going to meet up with some friends to study… you sure you’re okay?” came Claire’s voice softly th r ough the door. “I can stay here , you know. We can watch a movie or do whatever… just you  an d me.” 

“I am fine.” Your voice was muffled from the blanket that you were curled into. “Don’t worry about me, okay? If I need you, I have your number okay?” 

“You sure?” 

“I am sure!” You didn’t want her to miss out on anything just because you currently were such a party pooper. 

“Don’t hesitate to call!” She yelled as she walked further from your door.

“Got it!” 

You heard the front door shut. An eerie silence filled your room, nothing could be heard but your muffled cries. You were a complete mess. Eyes puffy beyond ends with dark rims under them, chopped up lips and a dead expression on your face that just wouldn’t leave. After another five minutes you heard a knock on the door. You chose to just ignore it, but the person on the other end just kept knocking louder and louder. With a groan you got out of bed. It was probably Claire because she forgot something. And because you didn’t expect anyone else you just swung the door open, but instead of Claire it was the one and only Stiles Fuckboy Stilinski. 

“Hey.” He croaked out. Voice hoarse and you noticed similar dark rims under his eyes. Without thinking you grabbed the door again, ready to slam it into his stupidly handsome face, but he had already anticipated you doing that. One foot of his was firmly planted between the doorframe to prevent you from being able to close it. “I just wanna talk! Please, Y/N!” You opened the door again, noticing that he had something in his hands that wasn’t his. Your pullover and coat. You snatched it out of his hands and were ready to slam the door shut again. But again, he blocked it. 

“Just go away!” You pleaded, voice desperate. He had broken your heart. Did he really think you would hear him out and forgive him for that? You had already given him the benefit of the doubt once and look where that got you! You really didn’t want to find out where the second one would lead to. 

“Y/N! Please let me explain! Everything I said was true! I really do like you! Please just hear me out!” His voice was trembling, indicating that he himself was crying. “Please…” You couldn’t see his face, but you could hear the hurt in his voice. Were you really willing to forgive him for what he did? Even if it was true, that he  actually started to care for you and regretted doing this, that didn’t change the fact that he in fact DID it… could you really trust someone like that ever again? You knew the answer and even though it was damn near the hardest thing that you would ever do, you knew you had to… 

“Just go…” 

“But-“ 

“I said GO!” 

A muffled sob reached your ears and it broke your heart, but deep down you knew that you made the right choice. You couldn’t trust someone like him, not when it came to something as important as guarding your heart. You needed to look out for yourself first and you knew that if you would have let Stiles Stilinski in your life again, your heart was bound to break and you weren’t quite ready for that. Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though, it's said that the 'Reader' is a virgin, that's not actually the case. they just call her that to emphasize the fact that she's the complete opposite of Stiles   
(If you have questions or remarks I'm always all ears!)


	3. The Conflicted Heart & Hidden Feelings

“Ready?” Claire looked you up and down with worried eyes. After two weeks of skipping classes you  had  finally pulled yourself together again, more or less at least. Your eyes were sunken in, still with their prominent circles beneath them that just wouldn’t leave. You also had lost a considerable amount of weight, because you’ve barley eaten. Nausea always h a unting you as soon as you put something in your mouth. Why were you hurting so much? Stiles and you hadn’t been together or anything… He was just a stranger to you and still he had the ability to crush your heart in a matter of seconds. And the tragic part about it all was that you actually should have known better. Everything could have been easily avoided if you would have trusted the nagging voice in the back of your mind that constantly tried to tell you that something didn’t add up. That something wasn’t right. But you pushed the voice back, suppressed it and threw it in the  dark abyss that was your mind. 

“Yup.” That sure didn’t sound convincing. 

You looked like a mess and you weren’t ready to face Stiles. You felt like you would never be ready. You would feel better facing him, knowing that you didn’t portray how you were feeling. Showing him that he wasn’t affecting you in any way. But that wasn’t the case. 

***

Last class for the day.  _ You got this, Y/N.  _ Up until this point the first day back had been a pleasant surprise. You were nearing your  winter break , so everyone was in a good mood, even the professors. You still had some assignments to take care off before Christmas vacation but that didn’t seem to falter anyone’s mood. So , all in all things went smoothly. Not for long though… 

You walked into the room of your last class, only a few people were already seated. You took your things and sat down at a table that wasn’t occupied, scribbling in your notes. 

“See you later babe.” The raspy voice startled you, forcing you to look up. You wished you hadn’t. Your stomach churned, nausea hitting you once again like a train wreck. Stiles stood in front of the open door, literally sucking the life out of some girl ’ s lips. You could feel the tears building up, blurring your vision but you didn’t dare let them spill over. You didn’t want to give him that kind of satisfaction. Finally, Stiles released the girl ’ s lips and she turned around, waving goodbye. He too waved goodbye and then smacked her ass as her hips started swaying while she started to walk in the other direction. You didn’t want to look, but it was like an accident taking place right before your eyes. There was no way of turning your back to it, making you frozen in place as you watched with utter helplessness the tragedy taking place right in front of you. Everything felt like it was in slow motion, as Stiles turned around and you could finally see his face… and he yours. You didn’t even want to know how he perceived you in that moment. You knew that you must’ve looked like a complete mess whereas he looked as handsome and unbothered as ever. As he looked at you his eyes grew softer, a saddened look invading his features and a small and s h y smile crept on his lips. One that looked apologetic and wasn’t reaching his eyes. You couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at him, seeing him kiss that girl and now this look in his eyes that screamed that he pitied you. You didn’t want his pity. You wouldn’t need his pity if he hadn’t played you so dirty to begin with. It was all his fault and you hated him for it. 

You looked down at your  doodles, averting eye contact at all costs. But then you felt the table shift softly and out of pure instinct you looked up at the cause for the disturbance. It was Stiles. Of Fucking course. Thanks universe once again for throwing all your shit right in my face!  Thanks a fucking lot! 

“Hey.” He said softly. Was he being serious right now? You couldn’t believe this guy. 

You just ignored him, playing with your fingers. 

“You know I am sorry, right?” Why the fuck was he still talking? All you wanted to do was leap up from your chair and start throwing punches at him. He didn’t deserve to be talking to you after what he did. Thinking that everything you needed was a damn apology that didn’t even sound sincere. Who the fuck did he think he was? “I really didn’t want things to end like this, but I am glad you’re back and-“ 

“Stop.” You whispered, nearly inaudible. You were hurting, so fucking much and you didn’t want him to just pretend that everything was fine. Sitting next to you like he had every right to do so. 

“What?” He sounded confused as if you should feel privileged to be talking to him, but instead you had the audacity to reject him. What a fucking asshole! 

“I said fucking stop!” You nearly yelled and everyone turned to look at the two of you with wide eyes. At this point you didn’t even care anymore. You were so angry and you couldn’t keep it all bottled up any longer. “Stop talking to me. Stop looking at me. Stop pretending that everything is going to be fine just because you said you’re sorry! You know what I am feeling sorry for? That I trusted you! That I actually gave you the benefit of the doubt and you used that to win some fucking bet. Tell me Stiles, how much was I worth? What did you get as a price?” You raised your eyebrows in question. The others still looking at the both of you. 

“Can we talk after class, please?” 

You huffed. “I don’t think, I have anything left to say, Stiles. Just leave me the fuck alone!” 

Reluctantly Stiles got up from his seat just as the professor walked into the room. 

“Sit down Mr. Stilinski!” The professor, Mr. Meyer, said, not even looking up as he got all the papers out his bag that he would need for his lecture. 

With a huff Stiles let himself fall back in his seat again, you just rolling your eyes at your misfortune. 

Mr. Meyer began his lecture, simultaneously Stiles began tapping his pen on the desk repeatedly, bouncing his right leg up and down in the same rhythm. Your jaw clenched in annoyance. "Can you fucking stop this?" You hissed between clenched teeth, causing him to snap out of whatever state he was in. 

"Sorry," he mumbled, turning his head to look at you. His honey brown orbs looked at you with a hint of mischief in them that you couldn't quite place. Maybe it amused him that he was still getting to you? That he was able to get under your skin that fast? Or maybe he was just being a dick. 

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, whatever." 

Fifteen minutes passed as you heard a clicking noise again. You turned to face Stiles and saw that he was tapping the pen again, subconsciously it seemed. "Are you fucking serious?" Anger was boiling within you that you had to restrain yourself from jumping up and clawing his eyes out. 

Stiles turned his head again, but didn't stop from tapping the pen. Instead he looked you in your eyes intently, never breaking eye contact. "Okay, that's fucking it, Stilinski!" You reached forward, grabbed the pen out of his hand forcefully and snapped it in half. The relatively loud crack resonated from the walls, catching the  attention of a few students in the rows behind and before you, causing them to turn their heads and looking at you like you were being insane. Maybe you were. You didn't even know anymore. 

"Is there a problem, Miss Y/L/N?" Mr. Meyer asked you, voice strained. 

Automatically you turned to look at Stiles who was already staring at you with wide eyes. "No, I am sorry for the interruption, sir." Face bright red. 

"Good. Let's continue." 

The lecture dragged on for another hour, but it easily felt like five. As soon as the bell dismissed you, you hurried to grab all your belongings and within no time rushed for the door. You were already down the hall when someone grabbed your arm. "We still need to talk." Stiles' voice. Students were rushing past the two of you, some giving you weird looks. Why was he trying so hard? It seemed like his life depended on easing things out between the two of you. Why? Why did he care? Was it just because he wanted to clear his conscience? But maybe he truly was sorry. You remembered that he had tears in his eyes as he came to your dorm to apologize. Maybe you were the one overreacting? Did he deserve a second chance? But, what he did was unforgivable, right? Right? 

"I said that I have nothing else to  sa y y ou!" You spat. 

"Yeah, I know, but I have a lot that I want to tell you _ !  _ Please, just hear me out?" 

"I don't thin-" 

"Hey, baby! I missed you so much!" Before you could finish your sentence the girl that you had seen earlier threw herself around Stiles' neck, enveloping his lips in a crashing kiss of tongue and teeth. 

"Good talk." They were still kissing or more precisely licking each other's faces. You spun around, ready to get the fuck out of there, when you heard his voice again. 

"Y/N, wait!" 

"You're a fucking asshole, Stilinski! Just stay the hell away from me!" You didn't look back, bursting through the doors at the end of the hallway. 

The rest of the week was a blur of tons of schoolwork and assignments that you had completed in record time. Drowning yourself in schoolwork was the only thing that occupied your mind and you weren't forced to overthink everything that had happened with Stiles. Well, at least that worked during the day. The nights however were a complete nightmare. Images were flooding your mind as you tried to fall asleep. You tried pushing them back by listening to music, but every song seemed to remind you of him and the things that had happened, causing you to lay awake in your bed till early morning. Tears never flowing though. You wished that was a good thing, but the truth was that you just didn't know what to feel anymore. You were angry at yourself. You knew who Stiles was before you got to know him on a more personal level. For some reason you thought that the Fuckboy th at Stiles portrayed to the outside world, was just a façade and the funny and caring Stiles Stilinski that he seemed to be when the two of you were alone, was reality. Well, it turned out to be the other way around. You were no better than all the girls before you, the ones that you made fun of. Why did you think you were any different? Did you really think he would change for you? Why? The worst part was that you actually wanted to forgive him. Maybe actually hear him out. And that fact alone was enough to make you scream into your pillow in the middle of the night. He had you all wrapped up around his little finger. 

"He's probably fucking some girl right now, while I can't take my mind off of him! I am a pathetic piece of shit!" You thought aloud. He didn't deserve the attention you were giving him, but yet, here you were, him being the only thing on your mind while he probably was fucked into oblivion right this second. What was it about him that you just couldn't ignore? You didn't know... and you were afraid that you would never know. 

"Claire, I don't wanna go! Just please leave me here and go have fun. I am okay, honestly!" You whined as she dragged you across the courtyard by the hem of your shirt. 

"No, you're not fine, don't even try to tell me that. And because of that we are going out, having fun and a good time, okay?" You knew that she was coming from a good place, but that was like the last thing that you wanted to do right now. "And  besides, I didn't spend an hour on your make-up and hair for you to mope in your room!" 

You shook her hand off of you and halted dead in your tracks. "Stiles is going to be there, Claire..." 

"Good, let's show him what he's missing out on!" It was true, you and Claire were different in every way, but for some reason it worked out between the two of you. She was so strong-willed and brave, that it sometimes radiated off of her and devolved onto you. Maybe she was right. Maybe you should go out, have a good time. After all, what did you gain from moping around in your room for the rest of your life? Nothing! Stiles had had enough power over you! You looked bomb as fucking fuck with the style that Claire had forced upon you. Time to finally stop being a miserable mess! 

The music was deafening as you opened the door. Instantly you recognized the smell of alcohol and sweat. People occupying the whole room, swaying to the music. Claire and you fought your way through the mass of people to get to the bar at the other side of the frat house. 

“What do you want?” She shouted over the music. 

“I’ll just take what you get.” You shouted back. 

It was a makeshift bar like all the other times. There wasn’t an actual bartender, everyone could just take what they wanted and mix themselves something together. 

You watched Claire walk around the desk with all the beverages, taking two red solo cups and then pouring juice in both of them and a clear liquid right after. 

“Thanks.” You took one cup from her and took a sip. It was actually quite tasty. Not too strong, but also not too light. 

Claire and you took your cups with you and walked over to the spacious community room of the frat house where all the furniture had been taken somewhere else. People were dancing, swaying to the music in a light hearted manner. Simply enjoying their time and not giving two shits about the next morning. 

Claire pulled your hand, dragging you on the dance floor. 

“Claire. I don’t wanna…” You whined, but she didn’t even listen. 

Just as Claire was content with the  space she got on the dance floor ‘Blame’ by Thutmose came over the speakers, one of your  favorite songs and you couldn’t help but sing along and swing your hips to the beat. 

**You just want somebody you can blame**   
**One too many times, had to learn from my mistakes**   
**Took my heart now look at what remains**   
**One too many times, had to learn from my mistakes**

Out of the corner of your eyes you could see Stiles and your heart dropped down on the dance floor, leaving you cold and vulnerable. Frozen in place. 

“What’s wrong?” Claire snapped a finger near your ear, making you jump. “You okay? You zoned out.” She looked at you with raised eyebrows, trying to read your mind, but came up blank. 

“It’s, uh…” You pointed to a corner near where the both of you stood. 

**Oh baby**   
**You driving me crazy**   
**Don't know who can save me but**   
**Just know I'm not the same me**   
**Let you go for the both of us**   
**Got a feeling that I'm growing up**   
**Phones blowing up, late night you stay throwing up, with ur friends that ain't old enough, goddamn**

“Oh.” Claire’s expression changed from confusion to sadness in an instant as she looked into your hurt eyes. She was feeling with you. “Wanna get out of here?” 

You shook your head. “No. I’m fine.” Eyes never leaving Stiles and that blonde girl who was grinding her ass against his crotch, his hands resting low on her hips. “I just need a little more to drink. Be right back.” 

“You want me to come with?” She asked you. Not sure whether it was better for you to get a little alone time or if you wanted company. 

“No. It’s fine.” You looked around the room. “Actually, I think you’re needed somewhere else.” You winked at her, pointing near the entrance to the guy that she met at the last frat party the two of you had been to. His name was Thomas and both of them had gotten quite close to one another. He was already watching Claire and waved at her shyly. 

“No, Y/N. That can wait. I don’t wanna leave you alone…” 

“Claire, it’s okay. Just because I have boy trouble doesn’t mean you have to miss out on a great opportunity. You like him, right?” 

She looked down shyly, her cheeks flushing. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“Then, go get him!” You chuckled and nudged her side. 

“You sure?” 

“I am sure.” 

“Call me when you need me or when you leave, please!” She hugged you and you hugged her back. 

“Promise.” 

She pulled away and smiled at you sincerely and with such kind eyes that it warmed your heart. “Kick his ass for me, okay? Show him what a fucking idiot he is for letting you go like this!” 

You chuckled. “Will do my best.” She nodded, hugged you one last time and then was on her way. “Well, at least one of us is lucky.” You sighed and left the dance floor, the now empty cup still in your hand, ready for a refill. 

“May I get you anything?” Someone from behind you asked, just as you reached over the table to grab a bottle that looked interesting enough to catch your attention. 

“It’s an open bar.” You were in no mood. “I guess I’ll be fine. But thanks.” You responded, not even looking back. 

“Feisty. I like it.” The guy commented. 

You just rolled your eyes and poured something of the liquor in your cup. 

“What’s your name?” Ugh, seriously? Claire got to go with a hot, friendly and nice guy and you just seemed to attract all the assholes and creeps. Great. “Mine’s  Jer em y .” He came closer, uninvited. His hot breath was now fanning across your exposed neck and it sent goosebumps across your skin. Not the good kind though. 

“Take your hands off of me!” You seethed through your teeth, only for him to hear as he settled his hands on your hips and pressed his crotch against your ass. “If I were  you , I’d take a step back!” 

“Come on, gorgeous! Don’t be like that! Let’s have a bit  of  fun!” He was clearly drunk. That didn’t excuse his actions though. He ben t down and pressed a wet kiss against your neck, causing waves of disgust rushing through your body, but you didn’t do anything. You stood frozen in place as his left hand sneaked up and settled mere inches beneath your breasts. You’ve never been so uncomfortable in your life. You gulped the alcohol down to a third and were ready to push him off of you when you heard someone’s voice from behind you. Could this evening get any worse? 

“Y/N, you  wanna come play some drinking games with us?” His voice was the last thing you expected to hear over the deafening music.  Jer em y took a step back, standing beside you now and not clinging to you anymore like he was some sort of squid. You turned your head to look over your shoulder and indeed Stiles stood directly behind you. You noticed that his jaw was clenched and that even though he had spoken to you, his attention only counted for the man that was standing beside you. “So? Are you in?” He was still not looking at you, only straight ahead. Jeremy also staring him up and down with a hard glare. The tension hung so thick in the air that you thought you could practically grab it. It was still hard having Stiles this close to you, but you had few choices. 

“Yeah, sure. I am down.” You said, lacking the needed enthusiasm. 

“Okay, watchu playing? I am down too!” Jeremy asked. This time looking at you, a creepy smile on his face. Or at least that was how you perceived it. 

“I didn’t invite you, jerk!” Stiles hissed through his clenched teeth, hands forming fists at his sides. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Jeremy took a step to get closer to Stiles, face flushing red with anger at the prospect that Stiles was just ruining his non-existent chances with you. “You’re her boyfriend or some shit?” 

Jeremy’s words made you tense up instantly. “Some shit.” You mumbled while bringing your nearly empty cup to your lips, gulping the rest down greedily. As soon as the words left you, both their heads turned to look at you. You thought you would have been subtle or whispering but apparently not. The alcohol already getting to your head. 

Jeremy looked amused whereas Stiles’ eyes casted down to the floor briefly, not being able to make eye contact with you. Wow, that was new to him. Being shy and nervous around a girl. The last time he remembered being shy around a girl was probably in middle school when he had his first school dance and was about to ask a girl out. After that, he didn’t remember having any difficulties with the  opposite sex. Naturally, Stiles was the most confident, outgoing and sarcastic person that you would probably ever meet, but around you he felt like he was none of those things. He felt weak when he was near you, feeling as though you had complete control over him and he didn’t know why or how he could stop it. It just was and he hated it. 

“You’re coming now or what?” Stiles asked you impatiently, trying to play over what you had said. You nodded and took his hand that he was holding out for you to take, so he could guide you through the mass of people to where you would play the games he was referring to. Before the both of you got to go away though he turned around to look over his shoulder  at Jeremy. “Stay the fuck away from her, you hear me? If I as much as see you near her so help me God! Understood? Or else I am  gonna break off an extra - large branch, wrap it in barbed wire and shoved it up your pathetic asshole! Have I made myself clear?” Over the loud music you could bar el y understand Stiles, the only thing that you could make out though was that he looked angry as hell. The veins on his neck were protruding and his face was red as he spoke. Jeremy on the other hand lost his cocky smile and just nervously nodded. What did he say? 

“What was that about?” You asked him as he closed the distance between you. 

“Uh, nothing. Just told him that I really liked his shirt.” 

“Yeah, right. You think I’m that stupid?” 

“No, I don’t think you’re stupid at all. I just think that you don’t need to know everything.” He said as he pulled you towards a group of people that was already seated in a circle on the floor, out of the way from where people were dancing. 

You recognized a few people of Stiles’ group of friends and some unfamiliar faces. They all welcomed you and eventually someone, you guessed it was Scott, pulled you down to sit in the middle of him and Stiles. Great. Every cell in your body screamed for you to get up. You felt humiliated sitting between Stiles and one of his closest friends who had also been involved in the bet. You remembered seeing him in the doorframe that day, heavily drunk on a Tuesday morning. Stiles had probably told him everything about your night together and you didn’t know if he talked good or bad about it. You didn’t want to be there, but yet you didn’t make a move to get up, sitting cross legged on the floor next to Stiles, your knees brushing against one another. 

“Okay what do we wanna play first? ‘Spin the bottle’ or ‘never have I ever’?” A girl opposite of you asked. 

“Never have I ever!” Scott hollered excitedly and a few others joined. 

“Okay so just so everyone’s on the same page here.” The girl started. “ Is a ac is going around and handing everyone something to drink, in the middle are also shots for everyone to grab freely. We are going clockwise and everyone needs to say something that they have never done before and everyone who has, needs to drink. That’s it basically… ready? Who wants to start?” 

Again Scott chimed in. “Me! I wanna start!” Oh my God he was basically a human puppy, you thought to yourself and couldn’t hide the small smile that grazed your lips. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see that Stiles was looking at you, watching your every move. “Okay, never have I ever had any kind of sexual contact in one of the toilet stalls on campus.” 

A few faces looked down in shame as they took their cups to their lips, one of them being Stiles. But in comparison to the others he didn’t look shameful, more amused or something along those lines. 

“Okay, Y/N you’re next.” 

“Uhm, okay, let me think… Never have I ever stolen something from someone close to me and not told them afterwards.” 

People started snickering and shaking their heads at you. You looked next to you seeing Stiles already watching you. There was something in his bright eyes that you couldn’t quite grasp. Was it admiration? Awe? Maybe even mischief? You didn’t know. 

You laughed awkwardly because no one began drinking. “What? Was that a bad question?” 

“Come on Y/N. You can do better than this! We wanna know all the dirty little secrets that any one of you, of us, has!” A boy answered. You guessed his name was Liam but you weren’t quite sure. You have seen him around campus before, but never really interacted with him. Also because he was younger than you. 

“Uhm, okay… then, how about… Never have I ever had a three-some?” 

“Yeah that’s better!” He nodded his head approvingly. 

Not to your surprise Stiles raised his cup to his lips, taking a sip… and so did two other girls that you didn’t know. One didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what that meant. Some of his friends even cheered or gave him a pat on the  shoulder when they were close enough. You huffed “Right. What did I expect?” But he hadn’t heard you or at least pretended that he hadn’t. 

“Never have I ever…” Stiles began talking.  _ Wow I wonder if there even is something that he has never done before! _ “…had sex in one of my roommates beds.”  _ That was were he drew the line? Seriously? Or was it just because the opportunity had never presented itself to him? _

“Oh my God, Scott! You better not tell me it was my bed!” Isaac yelled as he saw Scott drinking. 

“Or mine!” Stiles a n d Liam said at the same time. 

The accused boy just chuckled lightly while still drinking and shrugged. “You know what? I don’t even wanna know.” Stiles said dismissively and scrunched his nose up in disgust. 

“Yeah, us neither!” The other two yelled. 

The next one was a girl who you knew from some of your lectures, her name was Sydney. “Never have I ever been the dominant one in the bedroom.” 

Nearly everyone drank. Stiles of course, but he quirked an eyebrow at you as you took a sip yourself. You just stared back provocatively. 

“Never have I ever slept with someone in this circle.” The girl next to Sydney said. 

You got sick to your stomach. People had already suspected that you had slept with Stiles but that would be a proof for them and you didn’t want to become the  number one gossip again. But at least three people knew for sure that you did. Two of them sitting right next to you and you didn’t know if Scott or the others in their drunken state would call you out if you didn’t drink, making things impossibly more awkward. Or even Stiles! What if he would call you a liar?! You honestly didn’t know with him at this point. 

Stiles took a sip and so did the two girls that had the three-some with him, another girl drank and then another. But not another male drank, leaving just Stiles.  Of course it could be that the other two girls had slept with one another, but from the looks they were giving Stiles this second it was unlikely. Now it was your turn. Your hand gripped the cup tighter, nearly crashing it. Arms slightly shaking, mouth going dry. You knew it before, but now it was proven that you were no better than any of the girls Stiles ever had something with. You had really thought that you would respect yourself more than this, but apparently you  did not . 

Stiles watched you carefully. He sensed that you tensed after the question was asked, being completely frozen in place. He wouldn’t be mad if you wouldn’t drink. Why should he? He knew that you wanted to forget about it and he couldn’t blame you. He messed up and he knew it. Big time. 

Without overthinking it any further you reached in the middle of the circle grabbing a tiny glass with a clear liquid in it. You brought it to your mouth and let the alcohol burn your throat, savoring the warm feeling it left there. All eyes were on you now as you took another shot and another and another. 

“Woah there! Is that how often you did it?” Isaac asked you. Stiles sitting completely confused beside you, not understanding what you were doing. 

“Nope.” You popped the “p” as you spoke, already feeling tipsy. “This is just how badly I wanna forget about it.” You raised another glass in the air, cheering to yourself, winking at Stiles and gulping the alcohol down. 

“BURRRRN!” Liam hollered, barely able to contain his laughter. A few others joined in, whereas some of the girls looked at you disapprovingly, having just insulted their sex God or whatever. 

You reached out again as a strong veiny hand grabbed your wrist, holding your arm in place. “I think you made your point. You shouldn’t drink that much, you don’t look like you can handle much more.” Stiles said, but not angry. He sounded caring and understanding, but your already slightly drunken brain was even more sarcastic than your sober one.

“Mom? Is that you?” You asked, eyes going wide and you clutched your chest with your free hand in fake surprise. 

Everyone started laughing and Stiles just let go of your wrist with a huff. He understood where you were coming from. He didn’t even want to know how much you hated him, but for some reason it still hurt him. In years no girl was able to get under his skin like you did and he hated himself for messing everything up. But on the other hand , his always prominent self - doubts were creeping in on him. Self - doubts that no one knew about. How could they? Everything about Stiles screamed confidence and complacency. He constantly asked himself that if none of this ever happened would he have a chance with you? And if so, did he really deserve you? Probably not. You were too good for him. Maybe the universe knew that too and let you hate him. No. That was not on the universe. That one was on him. Solely him and his stupidity. He didn’t even remember why he had been willing to take the bet in the first place. 

The game of “Never have I ever” was soon finished as everyone had asked a question. Everyone already slightly drunk at this point. 

“Now, ‘ spin the bottle’!” Isaac said while placing a bottle in the middle of the circle, shoving the tray with the shots on it to the side. “Okay, the one who’s spinning the bottle says what the person on whom the bottle points  has to do. But you say it beforehand, that way no one can pick truth or dare and the game is a little spiced up, because there are always people just picking truth or dare and so everyone has to do whatever.” Isaac paused and looked around him. “Who wants to start?” No one made an indication to grab the bottle so eventually Isaac just shrugged and started himself. “On whom the bottle points  has to go up and kiss a random stranger outside of our circle.” Isaac spun the bottle and it landed on Sydney who watched with wide eyes at its tip, damning it for stopping directly in front of her. 

“Do I have to?” She asked shyly and everyone around you nodded. 

“Those are the rules.” Isaac replied. 

“Uh, fine!” Sydney stood up begrudgingly and walked a few hesitant steps towards a small group of guys, chatting amongst themselves. Everyone from your little group watched her intently as she tucked her hair back behind her ear and looked over to you, shaking her head as if to tell that she couldn’t do it. You saw the helplessness on her face and therefore gave her an encouraging thumbs up and a big smile. Not much, but it apparently worked. Besides it was good for Sydney if she could come out of her shell a little. She turned around again and now walked with a bit more confidence. She started a conversation with one of the guys but they were too far away so you couldn’t understand what they were saying. And then out of the blue she just reaches forward and pulls this poor guy down by his collar, engulfing his lips in a heated kiss which he returned immediately. After a few seconds they broke apart. The guy looking a bit flustered but Sydney was smiling, turning around and coming back to you w h ere she was welcomed again with a wave of applause. She thanked you all and then took the bottle in her hands. 

“Okay, I guess I have one.” She said, fidgeting with the bottle. “On whom the bottle points has to make out with the person to their  left . And with make out I don’t mean just like a peck on the lips but like, you know, make out.” 

“Look at you!” Scott exclaimed. “All warmed up now, after that kiss. Good for you!” Sydney laughed as her face turned pink, then she spun the bottle. And it pointed at-

“Y/N!!!” Sydney and Liam both squealed at the same time. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you turned around to face the person next to you. 

“We don’t need to do this, Y/N.” Stiles whispered only for you to hear. 

“Could you speed this up a little?” A girl asked annoyed. 

Palms getting  clammier as the seconds got by. Stiles was staring into your eyes, asking you if you were okay with it. Honestly? You didn’t know. Would you be okay with this? Kissing Stiles again has been on your mind since things got ugly. Even then you still thought about how his lips on yours had felt. How they could set your whole body aflame, sending shocks of electricity through your entire body. 

You made up your mind and so you nodded. Stiles reached out and cupped your face in his hands and then finally leaned down and placed his lips on yours in a fiery kiss. This kiss was everything you had imagined and some. It was sweet. It was wild and messy. It had all the  bottled - up emotions in it that were now freely roaming between you two. There was hate, hurt, lust, vulnerability and care mixing into the kiss. Tongues visibly dancing and fighting for dominance. Your hands grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him even closer, if at all possible. The kiss got more heated and you nearly forgot that you weren’t alone and that this was just for a game, not more. Oh God, how you wished it was more. 

Scott cleared his throat next to the both of you. “Get a room you two!” He chuckled and that was what made you both pull apart. “Wow, am I the only one literally feeling the sexual tension in the air right now?” Scott asked the others and they just stifled laughs and nodded, confirming his statement. 

“Scott, shut it, would you?” Stiles said and you could feel your face heat up. “Okay, moving on.” He clapped his hands together and gave you the bottle. You sighed and took it from him. 

“On whom the bottle points has to tell us about the last time they had sex.” You spun the bottle and it pointed at a girl who you didn’t know.

The game dragged on for another hour or so. Nothing really interesting happening anymore. Your mind was clouded with the kiss you and Stiles had shared and you had to catch yourself a few times in order not to break out in tears at any given moment. You were a wreck. How could you still feel so strongly about him? Why did he still have you wrapped around his finger? Why was everything so confusing? On top of all these confusing emotions, your head was spinning slightly. After all the shots you had you had still kept on drinking. A mistake as you realized now. 

“You okay? You don’t look so good, Y/N.” Scott asked you in a worried tone. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” You asked as you sprung to your feet. Another mistake because you stumbled and out of pure instinct grabbed Stiles’ shoulders to steady yourself. 

“It’s just down the hall and then it’s the first door to your right.” Stiles answered instead of Scott. “Do you want me to come with?” 

You didn’t even answer him as you burst away and in the direction that Stiles had described to you. Soon you were bending over the toilet and emptying your stomach to a good extent. A few minutes passed by and you closed the lid and sat atop of it, hearing a faint knock coming through the door. 

“You okay in there?” Stiles. 

“No.” You slurred, nearly falling from the toilet as exhaustion was crashing down on you like a collapsing building. “M’so tiiiired.” You yawned. 

Stiles opened the door hesitantly and looked at your  half - asleep form, sitting on top of the toilet lid. He chuckled. “Don’t we know our boundaries, eh?” 

“Oh, shut up!” 

“Okay, come here.” He took you up bridal style, pushed the bathroom door open with his foot and carried you up the stairs to his shared dorm. 

“You know," you slurred as Stiles struggled to pull one shoe after the other off your feet. "I still like you." Stiles' movements faltered. He looked up where you were laying on his bed. Head propped on your hand, elbow digging into his mattress. Your eyes were glossy and only half open, as if you would fall asleep any second which was probably not so far-fetched. "I know pathetic, right?" You laughed bitterly, causing Stiles to look down in shame. He got up from his knees, grabbed the blanket that laid beside you and draped it over your body. He had debated whether or not he should change your clothes and give you a shirt of his own to sleep in, but in your drunken state you weren't able to change alone anymore and even though he had already seen you naked, he figured it wouldn't sit well with you if he did that. The room fell silent and Stiles thought that you were already asleep, even though your head still rested on your hand. It looked rather uncomfortable to him. He was already on his way out of the room, hand hovering over the light switch, when you started talking again. "Maybe, maybe it's true," you said. Words so slurry that Stiles had a hard time deciphering what you were saying. He turned around again, seeing that you had finally laid your head on his pillow. You looked at him, he wasn't sure but it looked like you were crying, so he moved in your direction again, kneeling down beside his bed once more. Your hand reached out to take his and he gladly gave it to you. Your skin was soft under neath his touch and it freaked him out how comforting it felt to hold your delicate hand in his. Stiles looked up at your face again, now he could see that you were definitely crying and the sight broke his heart into a million pieces, no matter how much he damned it for it. 

"What's true?" He asked you, brushing a loose strand of hair out of your face and tucking it behind your ear. 

"That, that we only accept the love we think we deserve." You squeezed his hand slightly, another bitter laugh escaping your parted lips. More tears flowing as you tried to blink them away. "Maybe that's why I still like you. Maybe I think that I deserve to hurt like this, to be treated that way." You shrugged, expression becoming more serious, eyebrows knitted together as your drunken brain tried to wrap itself around the meaning of what you just said. "Maybe, maybe that's the reason you refuse to love, Stiles. Maybe you think you aren't worthy of anyone loving you. That you don't deserve love." 

_ "Stiles, is that you?" Stiles winced at his father's voice. No lights were on, but Stiles could tell that his father's voice came from the living room. He probably passed out on the couch again.  _

_ For a second, Stiles thought about not answering and quietly rushing up to his room, but he knew that this wasn't a good option either. He had tried it so many times before, knowing now that it only made things worse.  _

_ "It's me, dad."  _

_ Footsteps were closing in on his position at the door, his initial reaction being to just yank the door open again and run, but he also had already tried that and again the punishment was worse than what he knew was inevitably coming. He'd learned to abandon every natural instinct of escaping.  _

_ "Where the hell have you been?" His father slightly slurred as he came out of the shadows and stood right in front of the frightened little boy. "I asked, where the hell you've been!"  _

_ Stiles voice was trembling as he spoke, afraid of what was undoubtfully to come. "I – I was at Scott's we had – we had some school stuff to do and – and we kinda lost track of time." He put his arms above his head in hopes to protect himself, already anticipating the pain that was sure to come. "I am sorry, dad!" Tears were streaming down his cheeks.  _

_ "You worthless piece of shit!" The first blow came crashing down on him, another hitting him in the stomach, leaving him on the floor, gasping for air. "Get out of my fucking sight!" Another kick to the rips, even though he was already lying on the floor.  _

_ Ever since Stiles' mom had died his father tried to escape reality through whisky bottle after whisky bottle. He lost his job, became more aggressive and eventually lost every control he still had over his life whatsoever, telling Stiles repeatedly that he was worth nothing and was just a waste of space, until Stiles eventually believed it himself. He gave up hope about his situation ever becoming normal again, to get the loving father back that he knew was still somewhere in there. He gave up, simply because he started to believe the hurting words that escaped his father's lips every day again. He was worthless and would forever be worthless. He deserved to  _ _ suffer _ _ ; _ _ he was sure of it. At least that was what he's been told ever since he was only ten years old.  _

Stiles shook his head, trying to get the images that were h a unting him out of his head. 

"What happened to you? What happened to you that made you like this?" You untangled your now intertwined fingers and Stiles immediately missed feeling your skin on his. The comforting feeling leaving with your touch. "Why are you like this?" Your now free hand reached out to cup his right cheek, the feeling of comfort immediately returning. "Tell me..." You were still pretty drunk, but it seemed that your mind had cleared a little. 

"I think you should sleep." As if his words triggered something within you, you yawned and nestled your face deeper into his fluffy pillow in order to get more comfortable. Stiles took that as his cue to get up from the floor and leave you alone, but before he could even stand straight, you reached out for his hand again. Tucking at it. 

"Don't leave." Your voice was only a whisper at this point. "Please." 

"You sure?" 

You hummed, scooting back slightly so he could lay beside you. Stiles laid down, sharing the pillow with you. The both of you were so close that he could feel your hot breath ghosting over his face. A lazy smile grazed your lips, seeming contradictory to your tear stained face. Your eyes fluttered close, but before you fell asleep you were still able to mutter three words that made his stomach do flips. 

_ "You deserve love." _


End file.
